Self Acceptance, Confidence & Chronic Illness with Hannah B.
TUNE IN: APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your confidence?
If self worth and confidence are things you struggle with, Hannah B. is here to help.
When Hannah was in high school, they were diagnosed with two chronic illnesses. And after spending years struggling letting her insecurities get in the way of who they were. They eventually found an empathetic, creative and caring human underneath all of the self doubt, who cares deeply about climate activism, social justice and helping other humans become their authentic selves. Now they help people unlearn the narratives in this world that are keeping them small and insecure so they can practice confidence.
In the episode, we talked about:
Hannah’s story
Defining self acceptance
Why self acceptance can’t (and won’t) look perfect
Making a commitment to self acceptance
Self acceptance and chronic illness
Self acceptance, confidence and body image
Confidence and setting boundaries
Daily steps for confidence
Hannah’s Story
When Hannah was younger, she was diagnosed with two chronic illnesses, which changed her life in a way that she could not imagine. Going through such traumatic events and the stress that comes with that a young age changed her. It made her see the value in confidence, and how she had none of it growing up. The chronic illness was a big reason for that- she was embarrassed, so she made herself small, internalized a lot, and was never her authentic self. She felt like she had so much inside of her that she was just afraid to show.
This lack of confidence shows up in so many areas of your life. As someone with a chronic illness, you're going to the doctor a lot. Confidence is a really important tool in the situations where you have to advocate for yourself and be the one to ask for what you need.
And she began to share her story with with chronic illness and confidence, Hannah noticed that people really resonated and saw themselves in her story.
Defining Self Acceptance
Self acceptance means accepting yourself radically for everything that you are, no matter if it's good or bad. Because the thing is, the things that we often think are bad about ourselves, are really not. We've just worked them up in our head so much, or they're bad to us because we relate them to a specific insecurity.
When we can release the shame of what they are, and stop feeling like they are bad, that's when we can accept ourselves. And we're releasing all that and simply saying, “okay, maybe this was something that happened that I didn't really like, or maybe I don't really like this part about myself. But that's fine. It's here. I accept that it's here.” That's really how you can move forward and grow into someone who is confident and practice from there. ‘
You can't be confident by shaming yourself into being confident. When you start from a place of self acceptance, then you can really give yourself the grace that you need to practice confidence even when you're not perfect.
Self Acceptance Can’t (and Won’t) Look Perfect
Self acceptance does not mean you are obsessed with every single part of yourself. It doesn't mean that you're completely happy with yourself, it doesn't mean that there's nothing about you that you wouldn't change or that you wouldn't grow toward. It just means that you accept yourself for where you're at now.
We don't really gain anything from not accepting where we're at. What are you going to do? You're here, and these are the things about you. It causes so much unnecessary stress by trying to shame yourself for changing something that you just can't because you are who you are.
Self Acceptance Is A Commitment
Acceptance is about the present moment. It's not about, what am I working towards? Who am I going to be in a year, 5, 10 years from now? It's, this is me right now. And I accept it. It's okay.
It's it's a journey. It's an evolution. It's not like you accept yourself in this moment, and then you're vowing to accept yourself forever, necessarily. It's more of a continual process of working on this and continually affirming to yourself that you accept you for you. It's more like a commitment.
When you commit to self acceptance, things are going to come up that may create shame, guilt, or whatever else. But since you're committed to self acceptance, when it does come up, you're committed to saying to yourself, “I know that this is not where I want to be right now, but I'm going to be kind to myself and gentle with myself, because I deserve it.”
That the catalyst for growth. Which is ironic, considering that so many people think you can shame yourself into being better. But really, it's self acceptance that allows you to change and become the next version of yourself that you want to be. It is a commitment.
Self Acceptance & Chronic Illness
Something that comes up a lot for my clients, is some who is living with diabetes, liver disease, any sort of chronic illness, or just something that isn't what society deems as ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ impacts the self acceptance journey.
Chronic illnesses can be catalysts for self acceptance.
For Hannah, she struggled with so many things that her peers weren’t struggling with; her challenges were completely different. The things that were happening to her and her body were different. If you're someone who has a chronic illness and you're putting so much shame on yourself, or internalizing it, it can be hard. When you have a chronic illness, you need a lot of help, and you need other people to help you. You need to be honest with yourself about what you need, which is generally more than a lot of other people. And that can be really tough. To cope with this, self acceptance is such an important tool.
The reality is, you have a chronic illness. It's not going away. You can either learn to accept that thing about yourself, just like you can learn to accept anything about yourself that you may not like or that you may not wish were there. Because ultimately, you owe it to yourself.
When you can get to that place of acceptance, where you're like, “okay, this is maybe not what I wanted my life to be, but I accept that it is and I accept these things about myself.” That's when you can actually start to really find the beauty in it. And that's so necessary, especially if you have a chronic illness, or you're going through challenges, to be able to find the power and strength in those things.
Do You Blame Yourself for Your Chronic Illness?
With anything, we can we can waste our energy blaming ourselves. It's hard to completely avoid, but it's important to be gentle and kind to yourself above anything else.
In that position, you're going through some really tough challenges that maybe you've never had to face. The only way you will get through them in a way that does not harm you mentally is through acceptance
Acceptance and self acceptance are commitments. They’re a practice. Even if right now you're saying to yourself, “this is all my fault,” and I don't deserve XYZ, that's totally normal.We all have those thoughts, but committing to self acceptance is saying, “I'm going to be able to work through this, and I want to be kind to myself, and I want to be gentle to myself, and I'm going to do what it takes to get there.” That's what you need to do.
It's not to say that when you accept yourself, the challenges go away. But it's saying, “I'm okay, through all of it. I'm going to be able to get through this, even though I'm going to have to shed a lot of beliefs that are deeply ingrained into me. But I will shed them.”
It's hard for people to have that foresight to know they will shed these beliefs. Because when you've been stuck in blaming and not accepting yourself for so long, it can feel so far fetched.
It's an evolution. And if other people can do it, so can you.
Getting to that place of self acceptance, it's not going to look the same as somebody else's. But if you're committed to getting there, you will. But you have to drop the idea that it's going to look like anyone else's journey.
It starts with one snowball of saying, “I want to do this for myself, and I want to give this to myself,” and then everything snowballs from there. Once you actually say the words, then you can begin to take steps. Starting with something as simple as unfollowing people on social media and going to something as big as finding a therapist.
Self Acceptance is Necessary For Confidence
Just like self acceptance, with everything you do you can either practice it through a lens of self acceptance, or you can not. It's all about using those opportunities to be kind to yourself.
Ask: “how can I look at this through a lens of self acceptance?”
Self acceptance can act as a stepping stone to confidence. If you're someone who is hard on yourself, just going straight to confidence will seem unattainable. Self acceptance is that in between step that allows you to get there. Once you can say, “I accept this thing about myself” and acknowledge imperfections, or that you’re not where you ultimately want to be, then you can still be confident and practice confidence- which is really hard to do when you're feeling a lot of shame and blame. Self acceptance is 100% necessary for confidence.
Self Acceptance, Confidence & Body Image
There can be people who are in smaller bodies who are not confident, and there are people who are in larger bodies that are confident. It's not a body size that leads to confidence, but we can kind of get really deluded in the idea that when we just get to a certain weight, size, or look, we're going to feel that way and it's just going to naturally come. When you're always chasing a goalpost, it’s going to keep moving. What really needs to happen is self acceptance of where you're at.
The only confidence that is maintainable in the long term, is the confidence that you can find from within yourself. Looking to outer numbers and indicators or using someone else's version of confidence, beauty, or success as your own will always lead to disappointment. It's not your confidence. It's not your own inner story.
Confidence & Setting Boundaries
Something that comes with low confidence and low self esteem is a lack of boundaries. People let others walk all over them because they feel like they're not worthy enough to stand up for themselves, voice their opinion, or say no.
Boundaries are a tool for building confidence, because they essentially allow you to create a container where you can be your authentic self. It allows you to really know what you deserve, what you need, and to set those limits in ways that are authentic to you. It helps you stop allowing others to take advantage of you, while also cultivating your worth in knowing you deserve to put yourself first so you can be happy and confident.
It feels really good to stand up for yourself in that way. Setting boundaries is scary, but when you're able to do it and protect your space, your time, your energy, or whatever else, it just really feels like you're caring for yourself and doing something that makes a difference in how you feel.
When that happens, it absolutely builds confidence, because it makes you feel stronger in your abilities. It builds self trust. Every time you set a boundary and follow through with it, you're really saying, “I trust myself to create the safe environment for me.”
Confidence is basically self trust, and knowing you can take care of yourself even if you fuck it up.
One Thing You Can Do Each Day to Build Confidence
On the days when you wake up feeling not so good about yourself, those are the days when it's most important to really take time for yourself to connect and just do something basic you enjoy. So on those days, the most important thing is to be kind with yourself and go back to the basics of what you need as a person to be happy. Go for a 20 minute walk outside, do your makeup, take some time to make breakfast, or take some time to journal. Those are the most important times when you have to take a moment to connect with yourself, check in with yourself, and do something you genuinely enjoy. And do that instead of running out the door and continuing to force yourself to work immediately. Do something nice for yourself instead of doing something self sabotaging. It’s slowing down a little bit, and getting off the like conveyor belt. Do something for yourself.
Until next time,
Britt
Follow Hannah on Instagram, Tiktok, and check out her “Setting Boundaries with Diet Culture Workshop” taking place on Dec. 6!
Join me for The Food Freedom University group coaching program! This program is for women who are ready to break free from food obsession, take control of their mindset and live a healthful life with confidence in just 12 weeks. We get started on January 9 & 11, 2023. Learn more here!
